It's a scene out of psycho if you cross us, or maybe we just can't stop crying and we have no idea why. Either way, we hate it more than you do, trust me! The best advise I can give any man who wants to survive the '10 days of hell' each month; give us wine, chocolate, back rubs and lots of love and understanding, even when you have no clue what's up with our crazy behavior. Here is your one time to lie your sweet hearts out." Honey, do you think I've gained weight?" Don't run, don't pause, even for a nano-second, you look her square in the eye, hold her close, and tell her she's never looked sexier or more beautiful as you stroke her cheek and smile softly.
After all my advise, if you really listen, you may even get the best sex of your life and satisfy her beyond your wildest dreams. How's that for motivation. It has been documented, proven, that we woman are at our most sexually primed time during the week before and during, what I like to refer to as 'shark week'.
So, step one, we are irrational and most of us know it and feel quite embarrassed by this crazy imbalance that we have absolutely NO control over. We need chocolate, salt, carbs, wine, chic flicks, physical contact.But this is paramount, we need non-selfish physical contact. Foot rubs, back, rubs, stroking our hair at night in bed, running us a bath without looking at our bodies with the horny lust of a 16 year-old who just saw a girls boobs for the first time. Offer to wash our back and ask us to tell you about our day, and REALLY listen.
This is key. I know it is difficult at times, I know, but the listening part we are keenly aware of. We woman have a super-power of knowing if we are being listened to, and asking questions during the listening session is a huge mistake. Let me reemphasize...HUGE mistake. The best thing to offer is verbal empathy. Example; That must feel awful honey,This is just so hard on you, I am going to take care of you sweetie, I want to give you a back rub when we get you out of this bath, Lets go out to dinner and get a big piece of chocolate cake before we order dinner. Get the idea? We are as over- tired and emotional as a five year-old after a day at an amusement park, and this makes trying to sooth us a finesse of sorts. Whatever you do, never utter the phrases; honey, just relax, just calm down, it's no big deal, thank God I'm not a chic, and the worst, the one that brings out the knife-slashing, eyes of death, "You're acting crazy." Don't do it, even if you couldn't be more right. No good can come from this...no, no good indeed.
Okay, so I mentioned sex on the menu. Well, I have found that after the bath and back rub, when my man cuddles up with me, no TV on, caressing my face, tucking my hair softly behind my ear and saying beautiful romantic words about how much he loves me and how amazing I am, etc. We begin to kiss and before we know it, the warmth and understanding I am offered, and the side of him that is in touch with his feminine side, now has me fully and passionately wanting him.Poof! The easy words, the giving of love and listening, and the sharing of junk food has all paid off for both of you.
The week has passed, you've had more sex and hotter sex than you did the two weeks prior, and most of all, you've now mastered the art of surviving 'shark week'. Yep, those poor suckers at work will stagger in, baggy-eyed, cranky, pulling out what little hair they may have left, and working late, all to avoid the dreaded crazy demon that has temporarily inhabited their wife. All the while, they begin to notice, you never seem to come in with a look of bewilderment and deflation. Take pity as you puff up your chest with pride, because you, are in-the-know, and you are the master of your domain. Yes, you are sexually satisfied and your wife is suddenly head-over-heels in love with you. You are the super man of all men. I know, you want to tear off that collared shirt to reveal the capital S on your chest, but hold back, you know it's there!
Congratulations! We are no mystery, really...You have now been given the map, do not look for a detour after a few amazing months of success, an over confident sense of power may trick you, the ego hopes it will. But we will sniff it out, one single drop of blood (bull-shit) like a shark, from a hundred miles away, your toast. Don't do it, you've seen Fatal Attraction and you don't want Glenn Close appearing in your kitchen, standing beside a large pot of boiling stew..."where's the rabbit you wonder in silent fear. Dam it, why did I detour?
So I wish you the best of luck. Oh, and you will come to a place if you are a really truly good husband, that you won't even dread this time of the month. You might just welcome it as a time for fantastic sex with the girl you fell in love with.
...and so doth endeth the lessson.
After all my advise, if you really listen, you may even get the best sex of your life and satisfy her beyond your wildest dreams. How's that for motivation. It has been documented, proven, that we woman are at our most sexually primed time during the week before and during, what I like to refer to as 'shark week'.
So, step one, we are irrational and most of us know it and feel quite embarrassed by this crazy imbalance that we have absolutely NO control over. We need chocolate, salt, carbs, wine, chic flicks, physical contact.But this is paramount, we need non-selfish physical contact. Foot rubs, back, rubs, stroking our hair at night in bed, running us a bath without looking at our bodies with the horny lust of a 16 year-old who just saw a girls boobs for the first time. Offer to wash our back and ask us to tell you about our day, and REALLY listen.
This is key. I know it is difficult at times, I know, but the listening part we are keenly aware of. We woman have a super-power of knowing if we are being listened to, and asking questions during the listening session is a huge mistake. Let me reemphasize...HUGE mistake. The best thing to offer is verbal empathy. Example; That must feel awful honey,This is just so hard on you, I am going to take care of you sweetie, I want to give you a back rub when we get you out of this bath, Lets go out to dinner and get a big piece of chocolate cake before we order dinner. Get the idea? We are as over- tired and emotional as a five year-old after a day at an amusement park, and this makes trying to sooth us a finesse of sorts. Whatever you do, never utter the phrases; honey, just relax, just calm down, it's no big deal, thank God I'm not a chic, and the worst, the one that brings out the knife-slashing, eyes of death, "You're acting crazy." Don't do it, even if you couldn't be more right. No good can come from this...no, no good indeed.
Okay, so I mentioned sex on the menu. Well, I have found that after the bath and back rub, when my man cuddles up with me, no TV on, caressing my face, tucking my hair softly behind my ear and saying beautiful romantic words about how much he loves me and how amazing I am, etc. We begin to kiss and before we know it, the warmth and understanding I am offered, and the side of him that is in touch with his feminine side, now has me fully and passionately wanting him.Poof! The easy words, the giving of love and listening, and the sharing of junk food has all paid off for both of you.
The week has passed, you've had more sex and hotter sex than you did the two weeks prior, and most of all, you've now mastered the art of surviving 'shark week'. Yep, those poor suckers at work will stagger in, baggy-eyed, cranky, pulling out what little hair they may have left, and working late, all to avoid the dreaded crazy demon that has temporarily inhabited their wife. All the while, they begin to notice, you never seem to come in with a look of bewilderment and deflation. Take pity as you puff up your chest with pride, because you, are in-the-know, and you are the master of your domain. Yes, you are sexually satisfied and your wife is suddenly head-over-heels in love with you. You are the super man of all men. I know, you want to tear off that collared shirt to reveal the capital S on your chest, but hold back, you know it's there!
Congratulations! We are no mystery, really...You have now been given the map, do not look for a detour after a few amazing months of success, an over confident sense of power may trick you, the ego hopes it will. But we will sniff it out, one single drop of blood (bull-shit) like a shark, from a hundred miles away, your toast. Don't do it, you've seen Fatal Attraction and you don't want Glenn Close appearing in your kitchen, standing beside a large pot of boiling stew..."where's the rabbit you wonder in silent fear. Dam it, why did I detour?
So I wish you the best of luck. Oh, and you will come to a place if you are a really truly good husband, that you won't even dread this time of the month. You might just welcome it as a time for fantastic sex with the girl you fell in love with.
...and so doth endeth the lessson.
I love that you write OUT LOUD Lady T. And that you say what the rest of us want the world to know. I greatly appreciate and admire your outlook!!! Keep it coming!
ReplyDeleteSpread me around baby!!!!;)
ReplyDeleteand thank you Kathy...really:) xoxo
ReplyDelete