Mornings in my cafe'

A young girl, all tattooed up in hippie clothes, walks into my cafe followed by a lanky blonde, all Louis Vittoned up. The girl is sweet, charged with hope and a huge crooked smile. As she counts out the dirty loose change from her purse, she chats me up about how wonderful our coffee is and how she loves the new art on the walls, she even notices the new faucet, "the old one used to drip, she remarks, "you must be so happy to have a brand new one!" She means this. She is eternal optimism and seems impervious to cynicism, doubt, hatred or greed. She is like being around the sun for all that are lucky enough to orbit her. I bet you know someone like this.

The lanky Louis...well, she is stunning at first glance, then she orders her  double-shot latte',  her cell, wedged in her ear, talking in judgmental clips, while her Platinum Amex tap dances on the counter to a frenetic beat . She has not noticed me, the art, or anyone for that matter. Deeper and more sadly still, she has not noticed herself. I find this sad and at the same time I find I'd like to slap her, knowing everyone on the cafe' would surely applaud. I imagine you know someone like this as well.

Many would lean towards the Louis as the beauty. But to know the ones that missed the beauty in the young girl astonishes me enough to have a second conversation with my husband that night and a third and fourth about it on the phone with my daughter and best friend. They get it and that smooths down my feathers a bit.

I must say this as a counter point. Typically, beautiful woman get prejudged before one gets to hear one word slip from their painted lips. Most women might have seen the same woman enter my cafe and felt a familiar anger and an unsettled insecurity itch up their legs as she walked by. Had she shared the same inner beauty as the young tattooed girl, she would have been wrongly scorned because she was so beautiful. Or, men might predispose she was all they have longed for when, maybe, she in truth was no brighter than that of a 40 watt bulb. 

The coin is a tricky one of beauty vs. beauty. You need only wait a few minutes to let her unfold before you and reveal her true self. Whether she is a disheveled miss Woodstock or a glossy Vogue statue, she may just surprise you. 

A time to let go...

Needing to let go of something happens over and over again in life. I'm working on it right now.There are people who push our buttons, people that hurt us, cause us envy and pride. But then a moment happens, my first was when my daughter, who was three at the time, was very ill with a bug of some kind. She wasn't getting better, she was getting worse and while the doctor assured me over the phone that she would be fine, I knew better.

I scooped up her listless body and went straight to the ER, where she immediately received 6 hours of IV fluids and electrolytes for dehydration from all of the diarrhea and vomiting. I remember the moments before the the doctor opened the curtain. The room was dimly lit, my husband was on his way and I was sitting on a chair beside her little perfect still body. I bent over her, lowering my head against her side and I prayed as I smoothed my hand over her head. I mean I PRAYED. Nothing mattered but her being okay. 

Funny the thoughts that creep into dark times, thoughts of a snotty sister- in- law that I had let bother me for years disappeared and so did so many other trivial things that seemed real and hurtful to me. Now they meant less than nothing. I was free from it all. All that mattered was clear.The doctor entered the room and the nurse started the IV line. My daughter didn't even flinch as it went in. A few minutes later my husband walked in, kissed her and me, and we sat in silence. She was pail, silent and fragile. Just ten minutes later, her cheeks began to pinken-up, she starting talking, and then she smiled. I thanked God over and over as I kissed her and kissed my husband.

Later that night at home as I lay in her bed with her on top of me, her hands wrapped up in my hair, I felt her body rise and fall with each breath; I remembered the epiphany I had earlier and I felt changed. I didn't care what people thought about me or if my sister-in-law like me. It was clear what was important. My family. What was important was life and goodness and to have a soft and open heart. To love.

Time tends to blur this clarity, people challenge it daily without even knowing, and you do't even remember that it has slipped away until the next time you almost lose someone you love or something tragic happens or almost happens. there are days that change us all forever, 9/11, Virginia Tech, Sandy Hook,etc and you say to yourself," this petty stuff just doesn't matter." We need to be good and kind and care for one another. 

Time goes by and people begin to forget. They forget to be kind, to take a moment when someone has reacted poorly and think, "hey, they must be having a pretty bad day." They forget to hold doors and say thank you..really, thank you for being you. And there you stand, confronted by life and its shitty people-moments, and we all have them, and you have to make a choice. Grab hold and jump in with the lot of them or be the first domino and hug someone or forgive them, write a quick note letting someone know you care. Be human,

and just let go.